You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Boobs speak an international language.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
