This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
