your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Randomize
