hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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