i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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