Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
