I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
