if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
