whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
