This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
