i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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