school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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