I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
