Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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