you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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