What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
