At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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