Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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