you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize