but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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