You're my little dorito
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
