Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize