Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I wish I could punch you in the face.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
