were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
