tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
