you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
