Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
