Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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