I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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