you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize