i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We just shotgunned beers for America
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
