So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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