Do you still have your period?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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