I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Why is your signature on my underwear?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
