so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
