people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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