he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize