My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
