if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
