Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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