I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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