just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
