Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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