Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's not a walk of shame if you run
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
