Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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