No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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