Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
