I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
