Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize