she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Randomize