I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I love having hate sex.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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