It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
