Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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