NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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