Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize