i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
