I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
