Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
