Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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