dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
