I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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