You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
