she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
