Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
