i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
