I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
