I'm eating all of the evidence.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just forgot I was standing up.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
